Edge Of Heaven
by SpecialHell
Summary: Dean/Castiel slash. Some language and angst. Set in S4.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N. This fic is set in Season 4, after Episode 10 'Heaven and Hell' but before Episode 11 'Family Remains,' so that whole 'liking the torture' thing didn't happen, and neither did all Sam's blood nonsense, or anything else that's made me what to kill Kripke this year. Also, since this was before we met Jimmy, Castiel's vessel doesn't have a name._

Dean sighed lightly when he felt Castiel appear next to him. He didn't jump anymore, but it still took him off guard every time the angel materialised from nowhere.

"Which part of the world is ending this time?" Dean asked wearily, looking out of the window.

"Everything seems quiet for now," Castiel replied. Dean turned to look at him.

"Are we talking the calm before the storm here? Or are you just visiting because you're bored?"

"Something like that." Dean looked shocked for a second, and he could've sworn he saw Castiel smile a little at it.

"You're doing a good job," Castiel elaborated. "And I don't believe we've been telling you that enough. By demanding perfection so often, we run the risk of disillusioning you to our cause." Dean smirked lightly.

"You think you angels being dicks is gonna stop me from wanting to save the world?" Castiel didn't seem to have an answer, so Dean just shook his head.

"It's a world worth saving, Cass," Dean smiled. "I can understand why it gets you guys so pissy all the time. Just learn to lighten up once in a while, huh?" Castiel remained quiet, and Dean had to force himself not to sigh.

"Have you seen Anna lately?" He asked; just trying to keep the conversation going. He looked sideways at Castiel and saw the angel's jaw clench.

"No," Castiel whispered. "She's still on probation."

"Probation?"

"She asked forgiveness, and she received it. But father doesn't know if he can trust her again yet." Dean nodded his understanding before turning to fully face Castiel, his expression filled with curiosity.

"Are you one of them?"

"One of whom?" Castiel asked, facing Dean.

"Anna said only four angels have ever seen God. Are you one of them?" Castiel turned his head to look out of the windshield and Dean sighed.

"I guess that means no." Dean looked out of the window and, when he looked back, Castiel was gone.

~*~*~*~*~

Dean awoke with a jolt to see Castiel looking at him intently.

"Jesus!" Dean exclaimed. "How long have you been here?"

"Not very long," Castiel replied; Dean could tell the angel was purposefully ignoring his blasphemous outburst. "Were you having another nightmare?" Dean sighed, flinging an arm over his eyes. When he didn't answer, Castiel moved to sit on the foot of the bed. Dean reluctantly sat up and looked at him.

"It wasn't your fault," Castiel said quietly. "You lasted far longer than most."

"But I shouldn't have…" Dean took a deep breath, looking at Castiel with determination. "I let them break me."

"Listen to me, Dean," Castiel replied with firm honesty in his tone. "It isn't something you chose. You didn't give them anything; they took it. You can take solace from that fact." Dean looked like he was about to reply, when he heard Sam stirring in the bed next to his. He and Castiel turned to see Sam's eyes open and immediately fill with worry.

"Something wrong?" He asked groggily. Dean shook his head.

"Everything's fine, Sammy. Go back to sleep." Dean forced a smile as Sam nodded and closed his eyes; drifting back off to sleep. Sighing lightly, Dean turned back to Castiel.

"I need some breakfast," He decided, getting out of bed. "You coming?" Castiel nodded slowly as Dean pulled on his jeans and headed for the door.

~*~*~*~*~

The waitress smiled as she walked over to Dean and Castiel. Dean looked up and returned the smile.

"What can I get you boys?"

"Well… Nancy," Dean said as he read the woman's nametag. "I'll take a black coffee and the breakfast special." Nancy smiled and wrote it down before turning to Castiel.

"How about you?" Castiel looked to Dean as the waitress addressed him.

"Dude, do you even eat?" Dean whispered. Castiel shrugged. Sighing, Dean turned to Nancy. "Just give him the same as me." Nancy nodded and turned away. Dean looked back at Castiel with a smile.

"I think it's time you learned what food tastes like. Assuming those taste buds you're borrowing still work." Castiel didn't answer, but began looking at the menu. Dean smirked lightly and shook his head; turning to lean against his seat and wait for their breakfasts to arrive.

~*~*~*~*~

Castiel looked curiously down at the plate in front of him. Dean had already started eating his breakfast with enthusiasm. Stopping slowly, Dean looked over at Castiel.

"You wanna eat that before it goes cold." Castiel looked up and nodded slowly before picking up a fork and cautiously digging into the meal. Dean watched as Castiel ate the mouthful slowly.

"Well…?" Dean pushed. Castiel looked up at Dean and, for the first time, he saw the angel smile. Dean smiled back before taking a drink from his coffee. Castiel followed suite, pulling a face as he swallowed. Dean laughed and handed Castiel the sugar.

"Here, put this in it. Strong and black isn't the best way to start." Castiel did as he was told, and the second mouthful seemed to be more agreeable. Dean watched Castiel curiously as the angel continued to eat his breakfast. After a moment he sat forward.

"Can I ask you something?" Castiel stopped eating and looked up at Dean, who took the action as consent.

"Do you ever wonder what it's like? Being human. To have emotions?" Castiel regarded Dean carefully as he seemed to think about this.

"The longer I'm here," He answered slowly and quietly. "I'm beginning to…" Castiel stopped. Dean waited. He'd never seen the man before him look so unsure. Castiel looked away from Dean's patient gaze and sighed.

"You told me before that you have doubts," Dean pushed gently. "Are you trying to say that you're starting to feel?" Castiel looked up quickly before closing his eyes and nodding.

"I can't be sure," Castiel whispered. "I've never… I have nothing to compare it to." Dean nodded his understanding before standing up.

"Luckily for you," Dean smirked when Castiel looked up. "I am a walking talking spectrum of human emotions." Castiel stood up slowly.

"Let's go find out how you feel."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ok," Dean rubbed his hands together lightly, leaning against the Impala. "Let's start with something simple. Anger." Castiel seemed cautious, but nodded.

"Alright, I'm gonna try and make you angry, ok? Don't hold anything back, just feel whatever it is that comes."

"Ok," Castiel mumbled.

"You're a dick."

"You've told me this before."

"Alright, so personal attacks not gonna work," Dean thought for a second. "God's a dick."

"I don't think you…"

"Assuming he exists. I mean, only four angels have ever seen him. For all you know, there is no father behind that emerald curtain; just another angel, pulling your strings."

"Dean…" Castiel's jaw was clenched; his hands balling into fists at his sides.

"Wow that would suck. All your life's work gone to waste. Although, even if God is a real guy, he's seriously been slacking lately. The guy's practically incompetent. Can't even keep one planet of morons in check; how he expects to save us all is beyond me. I bet-" Dean's little rant was cut short by Castiel's fist connecting with his jaw. Dean looked up to see Castiel; breathing erratic and muscles tense. The angel was staring at Dean, who smiled despite the taste of blood in his mouth.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Castiel closed his eyes and took a deep breath – trying to calm down. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked back at Dean.

"You good?" Castiel nodded; not quite trusting his voice yet.

"Alright, let's move on." Dean circled Castiel slowly, trying to think of something else. "How about something that tends to lead to anger," Dean suggested eventually. "Jealousy."

"I have nothing to feel jealous about," Castiel rationalised. Dean seemed to consider this for a second, still circling the angel. After a moment he stopped behind Castiel; leaning in close to his ear.

"I fucked Anna," He almost whispered. "I saw the way you looked at us when she kissed me in the barn. You wanted to rip my head off. I'm guessing you wanted her, but she was your boss, right? Can't hit on the boss. But then she became human. You saw everything she was. The women she became; the woman you wanted. But you still couldn't have her. I did." Castiel turned to look at Dean; fire burning in his eyes. It was enough to make Dean want to shrink away, but he stopped himself. Covering up with a self-assured smile, he continued.

"We did it in the back of the Impala; a little cliché I know, but it was worth it. She slid her hand right over this mark you gave me; fit like a glove." The beginning of Dean's next sentence was cut off by Castiel's hand around his throat. Dean was backed into the nearest wall.

"You should never have done that," Castiel almost growled. Dean tried to smile.

"You feel that?" He choked out. "Irrational. Emotional. You want to kill me right now, even though you know it wouldn't do any good." Castiel let go of Dean slowly and backed away. Dean rubbed his throat lightly.

"Wow. I never realised you wanted her that much." Castiel shook his head ruefully.

"She's not the one I want." Dean heard the whispered confession on the air as Castiel disappeared.

~*~*~*~

Dean paced nervously in the motel room. He wasn't sure if he'd heard Castiel right. Could the angel really have meant what Dean thought he did? Closing his eyes, Dean stopped moving. He didn't need to think about this anymore. Even if Castiel was feeling something for him, he wasn't allowed to act on it. Dean shook his head when he realised how disappointed he felt by this.

Sitting on his bed, Dean pulled his t-shirt off and threw it to the floor. Looking to his arm, Dean raised his hand to trace over the brand Castiel left when he pulled the hunter from hell. The older Winchester looked up when he heard the door open. Sam walked in and looked at Dean worriedly.

"Where did you go this morning?"

"I went out for breakfast, and then I had a little sparring session with Cass."

"You fought with an angel?"

"Well, no," Dean explained. "I just pissed him off until he hit me."

"Why?"

"Apparently he's starting to feel emotions. I was giving him a test drive." Sam shook his head, handing one of the two coffee cups in his hands to Dean.

"That sounded so wrong." Dean huffed out a laugh and took a swig from the cup.

"He said something weird to me," Dean mumbled. Sam looked over to him. "He was jealous when he saw me and Anna together, but he says he doesn't want her." Sam looked at his coffee cup; a thoughtful look Dean was used to seeing on his brother's face. Eventually, he looked back up.

"Maybe he meant he wants what you had with her, but not with her. Maybe he just wants to find love for himself." Dean nodded.

"Yeah, that must be it."

~*~*~*~

Dean leaned back into the pillows on his bed and closed his eyes. He was tired; three days straight without time to rest was taking its toll on the eldest of the Winchester brothers. His hope of being left to sleep for the next day or so was dashed when he felt the familiar rush of air that meant an angel was now in the room. Cracking an eye open, Dean sighed at the sight of Castiel standing at the doorway, waiting patiently for Dean to get up.

"Another social call?" Dean asked hopefully, pushing himself up on his arms.

"I'm afraid not," Castiel answered in his usual tone. "We have work for you." Dean groaned in complaint and sat up.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Castiel took a few steps into the room.

"We believe another seal is about to be broken; not too far from here." Dean looked over to the other bed in the room to see Sam sleeping as soundly as he wished he could. Sighing heavily, he stood up and nudged his brother.

"Sammy, wake up. C'mon." Sam opened his eyes slowly, protesting at the light.

"What's wrong?"

"We gotta go to work."

"But we just got back." Dean couldn't help but smile at the pouty look on Sam's face.

"I know, but our landline to the heavens over here," Dean indicated to Castiel and Sam sat up to look at him for the first time. "Says another seal is about to be broken." Sam nodded, somewhat erratically, and swung his legs out of bed.

"Ok, let's go."

~*~*~*~

Dean slammed the door open and walked into the motel; Sam and Castiel following close behind.

"Do we rock or what?" Dean beamed, sitting on his bed. Sam sat on his own bed and looked at his brother, a similar smile on his face.

"I have to say, that one was pretty easy." Castiel stood in the corner of the room; looking at its two occupants.

"You should rest now," The angel almost smiled. "You've earned it."

"I totally agree," Dean was still smiling as he threw himself backwards onto the bed. "I think I could sleep for a week." Dean heard Sam yawn in the bed next to him before he felt Castiel disappear from the room.

"G'night," Sam mumbled across the now silent room.

"Night Sammy," Dean replied quietly; closing his eyes and drifting off.


	3. Chapter 3

_Dean sighed softly at the feel of a pair of warm lips on his neck. The lips moved up to his earlobe before giving way to tongue and teeth. Eyes closed, Dean turned his head towards the lips, silently begging. He was rewarded with a deep, demanding kiss that pulled a low moan from the hunter's throat. That mouth nipped its way back across Dean's jawline and up to his ear. Hands slid up his arms; one slipping itself perfectly onto a familiar brand. Dean shivered at the breath that crossed his face as a gruff voice whispered._

"_Mine." Dean's body reacted immediately at the declaration._

"_Yes," Dean affirmed with a whisper as the lips resumed their place at his neck. "Castiel."_

Dean's eyes shot open; staring blindly at the ceiling. His heart was pounding in his chest. Forcing himself to breathe evenly, Dean looked over to Sam's bed. His younger brother was gone, and in his place sat the angel from his dream.

"Cass," Dean croaked, trying to sit up. "What are you doing here?" Castiel was looking down at his hands and didn't answer. Sighing heavily, Dean sat up fully and swung his legs off the bed.

"Is something wrong?"

"Another angel died today," Castiel whispered. "We were out fighting. I turned around and…" Castiel closed his eyes; emotional pain clear on his face.

"Were you two close?" Castiel looked up at Dean slowly.

"He was like my brother. Out of all the angels… we were family."

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered. Castiel looked back down to his hands.

"I've never felt this way before," Dean could barely hear Castiel now. "I… I still…" Castiel shook his head, putting out his hands for Dean to see. There was blood on the angel's hands; Dean guessed it was from his fallen brother.

"We need to clean you up," Dean said gently, standing up from his bed. Castiel stood up slowly, and Dean noticed a deep red stain on the angel's shirt.

"Cass, are you bleeding?" Castiel looked down and nodded.

"It was fatal," Castiel's voice was louder than before, but still barely above a whisper. "My vessel's soul has joined with the father now." Dean nodded slowly, looking carefully at Castiel.

"C'mon," Dean said quietly, gently touching Castiel's shoulder. "Let's get you patched up."

~*~*~*~

Dean watched silently as Castiel washed the blood from his hands. The angel continued to hold his hands under the water; even after they were clean. Sighing softly, Dean took Castiel's hands in his and turned off the tap.

"Come here," He said quietly; leading Castiel to sit on the edge of the bath. "I need to take a look at that wound."

"It'll heal," Castiel mumbled.

"But it'll heal faster if I clean it up," Dean explained softly as he pushed Castiel's coat from his shoulders.

"You need to take off your shirt." Castiel nodded and began to unbutton his shirt. Dean turned to fetch the medical kit. Castiel hissed slightly when he pulled the shirt away where the dried blood had joined it to his skin, causing Dean to turn back quickly. Castiel's chest was surprisingly sculpted, but Dean forced himself not to dwell on that fact as he kneeled in front of the angel with the medical kit. Dean filled the sink with some water and dipped a cloth into it; wiping off the dried blood so he could see how bad the wound was. Sighing heavily at the depth of the cut, Dean reached for antiseptic and gauze.

"Why were you fighting?" He asked quietly as he tended the injury.

"A seal," Castiel replied, just as quietly.

"Did you at least win?"

"The seal is in tact."

"At least that's something good," Dean sighed, sitting back on his heels. "You're all done." Castiel looked down at Dean, who was looking back at him with concern in his eyes.

"Thank you," Castiel mumbled, but he made no move to put his shirt back on. Dean nodded silently. They stayed that way for a few seconds before Dean forced himself to stand. Trying to avoid Castiel's eyes, Dean picked up the angel's shirt.

"This shirt is ruined," Dean spoke without looking at Castiel. "If you're gonna be the only one living in there, you may as well get yourself some new clothes."

"I have no money," Castiel was barely whispering now; seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"I'll give you some," Dean replied, walking towards the door. "You'll have to borrow one of mine for now." Castiel stood slowly and followed Dean as he left the bathroom. Dean stopped at his duffel to find a shirt; stiffening slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Dean grabbed the nearest shirt to hand before turning towards Castiel.

"Everything alright?" He asked; his voice dipping lower than he'd intended. Castiel was looking at him with a strange darkness in his eyes, and Dean had to focus to breathe. The hand on his shoulder tightened slightly, and Dean turned squarely at the angel.

"Cass," He whispered. Castiel leaned forward and, with barely a hesitation, pressed his lips firmly to Dean's. Dean froze. His grip tightened on the shirt he was holding. Castiel seemed to notice this, and pulled away. Dean dropped the shirt and looked warily into Castiel's eyes.

"I…apologise, Dean," Castiel whispered; looking away from Dean.

"You don't have to be sorry," Dean barely whispered. Castiel looked back at Dean, something close to fear in his eyes.

"I wasn't over thinking it before, was I?" Dean asked softly, moving to keep his and Castiel's bodies close. "You really were jealous of Anna. It's me that you want." Castiel looked at Dean helplessly; like he didn't know how to feel or what to do. Dean sighed, bringing a hand up to run down Castiel's neck. The touch alone was enough, and Castiel pulled Dean back in; kissing him almost desperately. Dean reciprocated, grabbing Castiel firmly by the hips and moving the angel to a nearby wall. Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's shoulders; holding on like his life depended on it. Tongues duelled between them, and in the back of his mind, Dean heard Castiel moan softly. Their moment of passion was cut short by the sound of the door closing.

"Uh… Am I interrupting something?"


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel jumped from Dean's embrace like he'd been electrocuted. Both of them looked to the door, where Sam was standing with a look of confusion on his face.

"Sammy," Dean looked at his brother with no idea how he was going to explain what had happened. A rush of air told Dean that Castiel was no longer behind him. Letting out a heavy breath, Dean moved to sit on his bed; offhandedly noticing that the shirt was missing too. Sam came to sit opposite him, a look of concern mixing with the remaining uncertainty.

"Dean…" Sam started slowly. "What the hell is going on?"

"That's a good question, Sammy," Dean sighed. "I wish I knew."

"Ok, how about what the hell just happened? At least catch me up to where you are." Dean ran a hand over his face before looking at his brother.

"Castiel was hurt. His vessel is dead, and one of his closest brothers was killed. I cleaned him up, came to get him a new shirt and…" Dean trailed off uncertainly. Sam nodded as if he understood, but Dean could tell he didn't. There was a moment of silence before Sam spoke again.

"Do you think I scared him away?" Dean shrugged slightly.

"He has to come back sometime. He was assigned to me." Sam sighed doubtingly but nodded.

~*~*~*~*~

Dean looked up at the pitch blackness of the night sky, punctuated only by pinpricks of starlight. The moon was nowhere to be found. Taking a deep breath, Dean closed his eyes, calling out into the darkness.

"Cass. If you can hear me, I need to talk to you." His barely hidden plea was met with silence. Dean sighed heavily.

"Castiel, please."

"I am here, Dean." Dean turned around to see Castiel, looking grave. Dean took a few steps towards Castiel, before stopping short.

"Are you free to talk?"

"Yes." Castiel's reply seemed uncertain, but Dean smiled lightly anyway.

"Good… Come back to the motel?" Castiel hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly. Relief crossed Dean's face as he led Castiel back towards his motel room.

~*~*~*~*~

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Sam had left the motel room. Waiting until Castiel was inside; Dean closed the door. Castiel faced Dean; his calm demeanour betrayed by the blatant fear in his eyes.

"Cass," Dean started slowly. "I know you probably got freaked out earlier…" Dean stopped; waiting for Castiel to chip in. When it seemed clear he didn't want to speak, Dean continued.

"I'm sorry, ok? I shouldn't have…"

"Dean, stop," Castiel's jaw was set as he looked away from Dean. "You shouldn't apologise. I'm the one who… It wasn't your fault."

"Then why are you being so strange?" Dean asked desperately.

"Because I was wrong," Castiel all but snapped, looking back at Dean almost desperately. "I shouldn't have acted as I did. I am an angel of the Lord, and I should know better." Dean shook his head slowly; stepping closer to Castiel.

"Why? Why do you have to know better?"

"I have orders. I am not to get distracted from them."

"And I distract you?" Castiel looked away again, knowing Dean didn't need an answer. Dean sighed.

"Look at me, Cass." Castiel reluctantly obeyed. "You shouldn't feel guilty about this. As long as you're doing your job, anything else you do is none of their business."

"Try telling them that," Castiel replied quietly.

"I don't care what your bosses say," Dean slowly raised his hand to Castiel's face. "This feels right to me." Castiel closed his eyes at Dean's touch.

"Dean," Castiel whispered. "I…" Castiel's sentence was cut short by Dean's lips pressing insistently to his. The hand on Castiel's face moved back to his hair and Dean pulled the angel flush against him. Castiel gave in easily; kissing Dean back and grabbing at his shirt. Eventually, Dean forced himself to pull away and look into Castiel's eyes.

"Now tell me," Dean's voice was breathless but determined. "You tell me that didn't feel right. That you don't ever want me to do it again. You tell me that, and we can pretend this never happened." Castiel looked completely lost as he stared back at Dean. Slowly, he moved his hand to cover the spot over Dean's heart.

"I don't know what to do," Castiel whispered, almost desperately. "Dean… I am afraid." Dean sighed softly. Castiel was now looking intently at his own hand as he scratched absently at Dean's shirt. Without a word, Dean brought his hand up to rest over Castiel's. Castiel looked timidly up at Dean, who tried his best to smile.

"You don't have to be scared," Dean almost whispered. "We can protect you; just like we did for…" Dean stopped, looking worriedly at Castiel.

"For Anna," Castiel finished; a slight bitterness entering his tone.

"I'm sorry," Dean sighed. Castiel's expression darkened slightly and he leaned in to kiss Dean forcefully. The hunter barely had time to get breath into his lungs before Castiel pulled him in tightly; his hands roaming everywhere they could reach. Dean kissed back with equal fervour, as Castiel's hands snaked up under his shirt to all but dig into his bared flesh. The angel seemed determined to wipe the memory of Anna's touch from Dean's skin, as he pushed the man down onto the bed.

~*~*~*~*~

Castiel sighed softly and looked over at the sleeping human next to him. A small smile graced his face as he watched Dean's chest rise and fall rhythmically. A flutter of supernatural wings made him look up into the darkened room.

"_What have you done?"_ The booming voice seemed to be inside his head more than it was in the room; Dean wasn't woken by it. Castiel wanted to reply, but he couldn't seem to find his voice.

"_You disgrace the garrison and your family."_

"I'm sorry," Castiel whispered. Dread washed over him as he felt the warmth of the body next to him disappear.

"_You will be punished for this dishonour."_

"No. Please. It was a mistake. Please forgive me." Breath would only come in sharp bursts, and soon Castiel's head was spinning.

"_You disobeyed! You cannot be forgiven. You were warned."_

"I'm so sorry. Please!"

"_Begging will do you no good."_ Castiel felt a cold hand gripping his throat.

"Dean!"

Dean woke with a start, looking around wildly. The room was cold, and he quickly noticed he was alone in his bed. He placed his hand on the spot where Castiel had fallen asleep, and realised from the warmth that he hadn't been gone long.

"Castiel?" Dean called into the darkness; fear creeping into his senses. "Cass!"

THE END


End file.
